He met me
Let me tell you a story. I am currently in a season of life that I am not too thrilled about. But then G-d reminds me that in this season I am able to spend more time with Him and learn more about myself. I go back and forth with it. Anyways, I hope that's enough back story for y'all. If not, let me know and I will explain more.
So, this past Sunday (as in 3 days ago) was an emotional day for me. I usually go to church all day but I stayed home to spend time with G-d and basically cry all day (over-dramaticizing, kinda not really). Needless to say, I was having rough day. I made my way to the last church service of the night and was under-whelmed if I'm honest. I guess I was expecting G-d to show up in a BIG and MIGHTY way and to remove all this crap that I was grieving over... He didn't.
I took notes and the message was a good one but I didn't have that, ...moment. I don't know how to explain it. It was this "still, small voice" that resonated with me at the very beginning of the message that hasn't left me instead of this BIG, MIGHTY gesture. Jake, the pastor, said that He believed that G-d would meet each of us where we were. And G-d did, later.
As I was walking out of service kinda bummed, I ran into a friend of mine. We chatted, I cried (some more), we had dinner, I cried even more and then we called it a night. Underwhelming (again). On my way home is when "it" hit me. I was listening to DJ Snake's "Let Me Love You" featuring Justin Bieber (shameless plug???) and all of a sudden G-d met me right where I was.
So, this past Sunday (as in 3 days ago) was an emotional day for me. I usually go to church all day but I stayed home to spend time with G-d and basically cry all day (over-dramaticizing, kinda not really). Needless to say, I was having rough day. I made my way to the last church service of the night and was under-whelmed if I'm honest. I guess I was expecting G-d to show up in a BIG and MIGHTY way and to remove all this crap that I was grieving over... He didn't.
I took notes and the message was a good one but I didn't have that, ...moment. I don't know how to explain it. It was this "still, small voice" that resonated with me at the very beginning of the message that hasn't left me instead of this BIG, MIGHTY gesture. Jake, the pastor, said that He believed that G-d would meet each of us where we were. And G-d did, later.
As I was walking out of service kinda bummed, I ran into a friend of mine. We chatted, I cried (some more), we had dinner, I cried even more and then we called it a night. Underwhelming (again). On my way home is when "it" hit me. I was listening to DJ Snake's "Let Me Love You" featuring Justin Bieber (shameless plug???) and all of a sudden G-d met me right where I was.
These lyrics may not move you like they do me (still) but I heard G-d singing them to me. In this season that I'm in, where somedays I'm not even sure why G-d still has me on this planet, He told me to not give up. And more than that, He wants to love me. This second part resonates with me even more deeply. I was reminded of all the times I have come to G-d, written in my journals, cried out and told Him that I love Him but I had forgotten a very important thing: that HE LOVES ME. And not just past tense, loved, at one point, but that He loves me now. Right now. In my current situation. Where I'm struggling. He loves me and He wants to love me.
I wouldn't say I have been refusing His love either, or at least not consciously. But there has been a disconnect. I'm not sure I will ever REALLY understand His love but to let this information: that the G-d of the universe, LOVES me! I have no words.
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